Tag Archives: memoirs

game of life includes happy & sad

Week 28, 2012
Joensuu, Finland 

Have you seen the mathematics of life, right? Otherwise I copy the image below. Those calculations are full of truth in my own experience.



image source in here 

This weekend is the Ilosaarirock, and my heart is crying despite I will be treated very well.  Exactly in Ilosaarirock 2011 I wrote a letter, that perhaps one day I will share, which expresses a personal life-mark and fills my eyes of tears. Lately, I have been learning that my past should not occupy all my present, otherwise there is not future, and this weekend is full of action about games in Joensuu, so to move forward!

However, life does not work that simply. I found amazing and shocking all what can happen to one person in exactly the same moment.  That is life, and we need to learn to live with it.

You might ask, what happen last year? Well, I was working very hard on my thesis in a hot flat. I was not allowed to travel because my visa was being renewed and it was my last opportunity to push my dissertation’s draft while my supervisor was in Finland. So, the rock festival’s music reached my window from far away and you could sense the happiness of the people in Joensuu. At the same time, my inner was in deep pain and sadness because I was not able to be next to someone I love and was dying. He biggest wished was that I could be next to him. He needed a hug, I know that and I could not give it. The only thing I could do was to be my best, to focus with tears in my eyes and listening life outside the window. To do my best was my commitment and strength.

It was very hard, and still is. I know I did my best. We talked and inclusive made him smile last time I talked to him. But still, this weekend marked me….

Life is a very intense and a mysterious game. A game that does not allow repetitions, replay or anything like that. Life just go forward.  I want to dedicate this weekend to him and to life. Because without any question  my life is full of happiness and sadness that are knitted tightly together very strangely. Hope to find the strenght to be always my best focusing correctly. Yeap, learning to play the game between happiness and sadness.

Dead, happy, life, love, sad, life is all and it just go forward

Dead, happy, life, love, sad, life is all and it just go forward

image source in here





back online

Week 1, 2012
München, Germany

2011 was INCREDIBLE INTENSE. Posting was literally no possible.

For me the whole year 2011 was a roller coaster of emotions. It is taking me sometime to process all what has happened. These lines are not a personal complain of the events, instead I want to express my awareness that I am alive, I am walking my path and I am thankful for everything.


2011's flash backs

2011's flash backs

When one lives, one is exposed to transformation. Sometimes changes are intense, specially if one does not want them. However, those special hard changes help us to realize that only moments are eternal, everything else is ephemeral. Consequently, we should be VERY aware on how to live each one of our moments, that is how we walk our path, because time will pass by and time will never comeback.





Summarizing, between 2010 and 2011 all my energy was completely suck out. I did my best, and I was blessed to be surrounded by outstanding people. In spite of all the good things, at the end of 2011 I was literally OUT.  However, as the phoenix we should rise from the ashes! So, here it goes 😉  the plan is:

1. Re-connect with myself
~ it means to have internal peace and energy emerging from within. Let my dreams and creative ideas to get strength again

2. Live intense each moment
~   it is clear this point, right? Share and smile MUCH MORE

3. Grow up
~  this point targets to work, business and income 😉  I will clarify in detail this point in a later post.

4. Discipline!
~I need much of it! To achieve 1,2 and 3.


And our 2012’s motto is:  Take the bull by the horns!   🙂  I took it seriously Papá!


learning week

week 7 of 2011
Joensuu, Finland

In other times I would say the week was busy, but actually all weeks are busy in different ways. In this week, my surroundings where at charge to teach me a lot of things  😉  As a summary:

  1. Manzanita’s graphic card pass away (manzanita = my mac).  But with Mikko we opened it and I can say I have seen a Mac inside. Mikko saved my data!!!!! 🙂 The future of manzanita still is uncertain.
  2. In-depth week work with Christian. He came for one week visit, with the aim to help us to grow. Oh man! he really helped me to understand different angles of my research I have not think about first. Thank you! Here some memories of his trip.
  3. On Wednesday I joined Mikko to the first workshop of the LieksaMyst’s editor. I enjoy how people is creative!!! and I also notice that my questionnaires are not the only LONG ones 😉
  4. On Thursday we I was invited to meet some Monzambique visitors to my Prof. house, between the surprises is that I found Erkki was here (for some days), and I really connect with the guests.  I hope we can do some stuff together in the future. One of our guests, has been living in Mexico, that was a connecting point, I admit! 🙂
  5. On Friday a full day work at the Museum of Technology in Helsinki. I have write about this last September but I haven’t post it still.  I should. I will do it soon. But I always learn with them 🙂
  6. I submitted for publication the paper “Designing Hypercontextualized Games: a Case Study with LieksaMyst”    YES!!!!!!! When I know the the  bibliographic reference I will post it 🙂
  7. I received the good news from  STELLAR

Result: still digesting the week 🙂 and preparing for the consequences of such a busy week too. And guess what? Yes, I am still writing….

“it takes what it takes” by Antti

For a lover of games and learning, (aka me), it has been difficult to understand the rules of the game in research: “publish or perish”.  But by reading Thiagarajan and David Lorge Parnas I conclude that I am playing with other rules 😉

My inner voice guided me to pursue this path of research. It is a personal call, I  love what I do. My research topic is my passion, and I am  interested that the outcome of my efforts could support real life besides academia, for example in industry, business, ONG.

Hence, it is taking me TIME to walk my path, because:

It takes TIME to know what am I doing?

It takes TIME to find my literature (in addition, when I arrived to my research group the research on games was nonexistent)

It takes TIME to read and listen a vast amount of books, journals, articles, blogs, individuals, …

It takes TIME to digest all the information

It takes TIME to conceptualize

It takes TIME to implement, test, use…

It takes TIME to find your angels on the way (people who help you to improve)

It takes TIME to understand the context that surround all the points mentioned above

It takes TIME to learn to write

It takes TIME to write

In addition, thinking is complex. THINKING TAKES TIME and EFFORT.

Hence, within my journey, in several moments I was convinced that I am too slow.  Actually, saying slow is the most constructive reaction, because the feeling of impotence is huge. But something crystallized while talking with Antti: I belong to other type of researchers, of those  subscribe to slow-science.

The slow moment is present in other areas of our life as well, for example: slow-food, slow-living.  By the way, one shouldn’t misinterpret the word slow. Antti describes it so well: “it take what it takes”.  That is all, the best example of this concept is a new human life which requires nine months until s/he is born, and several years until s/he is self-sufficient.  “It takes what it takes”.

Articles that support the concepts behind slow-science, which in my humble opinion must be read are: “stop the numbers game” from Parnas, and the blog of Erik Proper. Also, in an indirect way, but good article from game research is “How I designed a game – and discovered the meaning of life” by Thiagarajan. 

Hence I am still in my personal race, and I know I live in this planet and I need to balance its rules. But it makes me feel relief knowing that it is normal, the growth process requires time. Thank you Antti for the chat and references!

it takes what it takes to grow

CC image, source here