Week 28, 2012
Have you seen the mathematics of life, right? Otherwise I copy the image below. Those calculations are full of truth in my own experience.
image source in here
This weekend is the Ilosaarirock, and my heart is crying despite I will be treated very well. Exactly in Ilosaarirock 2011 I wrote a letter, that perhaps one day I will share, which expresses a personal life-mark and fills my eyes of tears. Lately, I have been learning that my past should not occupy all my present, otherwise there is not future, and this weekend is full of action about games in Joensuu, so to move forward!
However, life does not work that simply. I found amazing and shocking all what can happen to one person in exactly the same moment. That is life, and we need to learn to live with it.
You might ask, what happen last year? Well, I was working very hard on my thesis in a hot flat. I was not allowed to travel because my visa was being renewed and it was my last opportunity to push my dissertation’s draft while my supervisor was in Finland. So, the rock festival’s music reached my window from far away and you could sense the happiness of the people in Joensuu. At the same time, my inner was in deep pain and sadness because I was not able to be next to someone I love and was dying. He biggest wished was that I could be next to him. He needed a hug, I know that and I could not give it. The only thing I could do was to be my best, to focus with tears in my eyes and listening life outside the window. To do my best was my commitment and strength.
It was very hard, and still is. I know I did my best. We talked and inclusive made him smile last time I talked to him. But still, this weekend marked me….
Life is a very intense and a mysterious game. A game that does not allow repetitions, replay or anything like that. Life just go forward. I want to dedicate this weekend to him and to life. Because without any question my life is full of happiness and sadness that are knitted tightly together very strangely. Hope to find the strenght to be always my best focusing correctly. Yeap, learning to play the game between happiness and sadness.