my hatred and my attraction: writing, writing, writing……

Week 8, 2012
Joensuu, Finland

It is not a secret that my written language skills are poor. They start to develop very late. Regardless of my good education and that I learned the “know-how” of reading and writing since pre-school. I did not acquire THE writing skill. Amazing!

I remember my pre-school teachers testing me on how many words per minute I could read, as well as if I knew my vocabulary or if I was able to spell. However, I do not remember teachers asking me if I understood the meaning of the words, or teachers who could explain me the root of words and the art of writing.

Undoubtedly, the “know-how” to write is not the same as to have THE writing skill. It was not until my PhD that I face the fact: I do not have the writing skill. It is a shocking fact. Later, while talking with a dear friend of mine who is a good writer, she informed me that I actually speak carolingio not even Spanish!

Oh man! I have a long path and a hard work in front of me.

However, I decide to succeed on my PhD, despite the lack of writing skills. Then, and perhaps as a logical consequence, some kind of hatred and impotence towards writing emerged. I have a pressure to advance and it is expected that I know how to write, and the lack of the writing skill is holding me back. So frustrating! The only solution: write, write, write, write…..

Nevertheless from hate, love can emerge. Suddenly, I start to understand the purpose, the beauty and the importance of writing. The game of words and meanings. But overall, I start to gain inner awareness of the importance to share a written message as clearly as possible to others. Writing help us to think.

Still I am very, VERY, behind in my writing skills, but now I want to learn to write. Still I feel frustrate and angry, but the attitude has changed somehow. It is taking me time, and it will take me more time. But the important thing is: I want to learn to write. Perhaps, one day, I will be able to do it!

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